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Child abuse is a very sticky subject. It is a very taboo subject, which no one wants to talk about, nor admit.
Child abuse can have serious repercussions, even when the child is a grown adult and all of the abuse happened years ago. The emotional scars can stay on your heart forever.
How does one get past their grief of being abused while they were a child? It is not an easy road to walk down. There may be times when all the sudden, for no reason at all, you may have a flashback. And sometimes there are triggers, even watching a violent movie, especially a movie with a story of child abuse, which may make you remember very scary things that happened in your childhood.
Thankfully, child abuse survivors can have some healing and peace of mind. It may take some effort, but it is usually worth the effort. The pain may never totally leave, but you can go on to live a happy life.
-Going to counseling and seeing a therapist, especially one who specializes in abuse situations, is a very good idea to do if you are struggling with memories of abuse. A therapist can really help you sort out your emotions now and then.
-Forgiving the abuser, whether you decide to remain in contact with them or not, is always a good idea. You don't have to ever talk to them again, but forgive them. The hate in your heart will eat away at you if you choose to not forgive them.
-You may even find that (and this is very typical) they were once in your shoes- they may also have been abused, and have acted out on you the only way they knew how. If that is true, it is normal if you even feel sorry for the abuser. But don't let that pity give them any power.
-Join a support group for survivors of child abuse. You can talk to a counselor there, too, possibly, and you can also talk all you want there about your experiences. You can also talk to others who have been through the same thing, and you can learn how to comfort them. You can also accept their comforting and support. It also feels good when someone can relate to you (even though it is so sad that they can relate to you in this manner).
-Do something good for your community. Helping others and those less fortunate than you helps you to take the attention off of you and makes you feel better about yourself. You will have to move on at some point in your life, and doing something to help others will give you a sense of happiness and perspective.
-Find someone who will build you back up. If you had an emotionally abusive parent, your self-esteem may be non-existent. Find a friend or ask your spouse to build you back up. For every ten insults, only one compliment makes up for those ten. You need lots of tender loving care.
-Talk to your friends, husband/wife and other people you feel safe with about the abuse and how you feel about it. Just have them let you talk for as long as you want (if they will let you). Purge your feelings about the abuse from your system, talk about them so much that you get bored with repeating them, and then after all is said and done, put them behind you. Don't FORGET about them, but put them behind you. Start over, new and improved. You've gotten through something horrible, and see that that old statement about whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger is true!
-If your friends and other safe people don't want to hear about the abuse anymore (or even if they do), write all about it, all you can remember, in your journal. Pour yourself and all your horrible memories onto the paper and then when you are done writing, leave those old feelings to die on the paper.
-And most importantly, STOP THE CYCLE! Almost always, abuse happens in a cycle. Your parents may have done it because they were abused when they were younger, and THEIR parents may have done it because THEY were abused when they were younger- and so on. The best thing you can do for you, your family, the abuser even, and your KIDS, is to stop the cycle of abuse. Take parenting classes. Get educated- learn all you can about child psychology and child development. Get a lot of experience with children, and learn patience with them so that when it comes time for you to have kids, you don't repeat the cycle. Find an example of good parenting role models,(whether it be friends of the family, your friend's parents, teachers) if your parent(s) were the abusers. If the only way you know how to parent is like your abusive parent(s), that is what you will copy. Find good role model parents. Learn about what is healthy and not healthy in a family. It can't be said enough-- GET EDUCATED AND STOP THE CYCLE!
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